Many have come before me!

Accountability.

This used to be such a dirty word to me. Mostly because I did not really understand what it meant.
What I understand today is not what I understood a few years ago. For those who do not know me I should let you know that I am a recoverd Alcoholic/Drug Addict and so on and so on. I had the blame game down to a tee! Nothing was my fault it was everyone else. I first drank and drugged because of the horrible things that happend to me as a young girl. Think of the worst and yep you got it. Now this was the fuel, and my hatered, anger, bitterness, and resent was the flame. For years I chose to blame others for my choices. Let's face it its a lot easier then being accountable for my own actions and it kept me going for 20 years! That's right for 20 years I acted out by being the biggest A$%$^&$ and blamed everyone else. It was a pretty good gig until it almost killed me.
Things changed for me I began to recognize that all those people I was blaiming for all those years weren't even around anymore, in fact none of them even realized I was screwed up because of what they did to me! Ya... I was showing them alright.
Today I have to thank God for all he has done for me. I have been taken out of the darkness and into the light, where it is much easier to see. Accountability and humility go hand in hand. And I have to tell you neither of them is a picnic to learn how to do. Infact it pretty much sucks for the first few times. I mean admitting that you have some part in your own self distruction ahhhh no way! And for anyone reading this and thinking "no bloody way am I to blame for this or that!" Then you are someone who needs work. But don't worry you are not a lone and again its not easy but it is necessary if you actually want to get on with your life.
My challenge to you is, try it. Try looking at your own actions and possition in situations and really take a look at where you stand in it all. What is your role. You see if by holding onto the bitterness, anger, resentment, blame, saddness, confussion, disilusionment, hatred for another then you are no better then those who you think have wronged you.
I know its a big one to swallow, infact the biggest, it says in the bible that there is no sin greater then another. So by holding onto these things we are indeed sinning ourselves. And the worst of it is... we are sinning against those we are pissed at, and even worse the Lord Himself! Ahhhhhhhh.{ I will try to refrain from using such words as sin, it sounds soooo churchy, and I rememeber what it was like before I really understood the word it seemed like the people using it were so righteous and I really don't like people like that, nor do I want to come accross like I am righteous, because believe you me I am far from that! (I try to do my best but...well I am still human) }
To forgive is trully divine and the only one that can help us to truly forgive is the Lord Himself. I know I know some of you maybe thinking "actually I am quite able to forgive on my own thanks...) Wrong! No, no you are not. My example for you is this, think of the last time you were angry with someone... and then you said you forgave them. Then remember the next time you got mad at them.. and the old thing you said you forgave them for popped up and then you were even more pissed at them right! News flash you never trully forgave them in the first place! The only way to truly forgive is to first ask for forgiveness yourself. And then ask the Lord to take the anger, bitterness and resentment you are holding onto for this person away. Only by doing this can we truly forgive. I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!

My prayer for today,
Lord thank you for the pain, the suffering, the loneliness, saddness and the sorrow I have experienced, for without it I would not trully be able to enjoy today. Thank you for walking me out of the darkness and into the light where I stand confidantly with you by my side. Thanks for everything Father.
Love your kid Andrea xoxoxoxo

Disciple
THE CHOICE HAS BEEN MADE.
There is no looking back.
I have stepped over the line.
I won't let up, back up, give up, or shut up.
My focus is clear, my path straight, My God reliable.
I'M A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST.
Luke 9:23 1 John 2:6